Lesson Three

The Henchmen

You'll never have to hear the word "no",
If you keep all your friends on the payroll,
The non-disclosure pages signed,
Your secret's safe between those lines.

- Death Cab for Cutie, Good Help (Is So Hard to Find)

Totally legitimate, but unofficial study showed that around 85% of villains label themselves as "loners". However, villainy is not something that one does alone if they hope to be successful about it. At the very least you need someone to mop the floors or drive a getaway car. Therefore, every villain needs Henchmen. Good help is rare though, so this lesson will talk all about The Henchmen, what types there are and how to go about acquiring them, since as you well know, an idiot henchman can end up blowing your base to bits, while a well armed group of Henchmen can get you superhero's head on a silver platter. 

Classes of Henchmen

As your criminal aspirations will grow, so too will your Henchmen. However, not all Henchmen are created equal, so it would be best if you divided your Henchmen into several classes. Villains usually divide them by their importance, though sometimes, groups form in each division based on their type of combat.

So, your minions survived their first few months on the job. If you want, you can let them work their way up the Ladder of Evil and promote them to...well, Henchmen. Henchmen are your main (serious) combatants and usually good for dealing attacks, being your second or third line of defense, as well as causing general mayhem and violence. You need a particular crime done, but it is too minor to deal with it yourself? Send a henchman.

You notice that some of the henchmen are unusually good, so you do not want them to unnecessarily fall in a battle with superheroes if you have further use of them. Good help is hard to find after all and you want to keep them close(r). A solution is that you can promote this person to an Elite Henchman. These Henchmen have very specific jobs that they hone through the years they work for you. Villains usually use them as Bodyguards, Assassins, and Thugs.

Despite what some exceptions to the rule may tell you, a lonely villain is a doomed villain. Therefore, you need Lieutenants to serve as your advisors at the table of Evil. Lieutenants, acting as your Inner Circle, usually come from two backgrounds. One, they served as your loyal Elite Henchman for years and honed their very specific skills with care to be enough use to give an opinion. Two, they can be your dear friend or a family member. We do not recommend the latter due to trust issues and vulnerability, but for some villains, it works.

Types of Henchmen

Now that you had met the classes of Henchmen, you also have their types. There are a lot of sub-types of Henchmen, but more or less they fall into the next three groups.

Grunts. This group is comprised mostly of people that are minions and henchmen and exist purely to do the heavy lifting, while you concern yourself with loftier thoughts. They have two jobs (most of the time) and that is to look menacing and act as a human shield between you and the superhero that will eventually show up to try and defeat you. Some sub-types of Grunts are Close-Combat Combatants, Ranged Combatants and Stealth Combatants.

Techies. You have the brawn, but you also need to have the brains to handle day-to-day scientific affairs and developments that you allowed yourself to delegate. However, once you make a name for yourself, you will have little time left for other technical concerns since you will be battling superheroes all the time. Some villains will warn you off of hiring henchmen with technical skills due to too much risk, but that is no reason for not outsourcing the unemployed, bitter and disenfranchised scientists that were too bold to dream and were dropped by their companies or the government. Of course, sometimes you will not be able to find any people that would tick all the boxes and will be forced to kidnap a governmental employee and tell him just how much it is in his interest that he makes something for you. Just be aware of Action Heroes trying to save them!

Secret Weapon. If you do not have an object that serves as a secret weapon in your lair, you can always hire or promote a person within your organization known for their particular set of skills. This person can mow down dozens of people before they can even blink and presents a significant challenge to the superhero that is trying to take you down. The secret to the secret weapon is that you do not show them too early in the game. Keep them under wraps until the last possible moment and unleash them upon an unsuspecting hero or populace while you take the advantage of the situation and run away.

Recruitment

Hopefully, now you have a slightly better idea of what to look for in your Henchmen. Now, you are probably asking yourself "Where do I find these fine men and women?". There are many answers to the question, some you may not find on the list below, but at least you can use it as sort of a guideline.

Bars. Seedy and dive bars are a perfect environment to finding your Henchmen. They are usually filled with the underbelly of the city you are operating in and often include dissatisfied people sick of how the local or federal government operates and that makes your job opportunity all the more attractive. Your first instinct might be to visit your local bar, which we discourage, especially if you are a regular.  You might not think it will prove viable, but try striking up a conversation about the politics or of a superhero nature and you will get a feel of the area. Sometimes, it is good to just order a drink and listen to the chatter around you.

Family. As we mentioned before, it is quite unwise to include family in any of your villainy especially if they present a weakness for you or you do not trust them to support you in your endeavors. However, if you are just starting your villainous career, you might not have another choice. Do keep in mind that people generally frown upon nepotism and Henchmen are no different. If you do recruit family and your nephew accidentally presses the Self Destruct button, you are going to have to punish him like you would everyone else. Sure, you will have a lot to explain to your sibling, but it will build trust between you and your Henchmen.

Subcontractors. There are two types of subcontractors that you can get, but both are usually expensive, so only do this option if you have the funds for it. No one wants their Henchmen to turn on them. Two types are private armies and thug subcontractors. The former is harder to get because armies usually exist within the context of a nation and you will be dependent on the good-will and greed of the despot rather than the army itself. With thugs, there is no cohesiveness that you might get with an army and you need to assert control over more groups. There might also be bad blood between different thug groups, if you decide to hire from more than one part of town.

Cloning. You do not want to spend the money to hire the Henchmen, nor do you want to do the dirty work of going into seedy places to recruit them. However, you have the smarts! One of your options is to take a person, we recommend paying an assassin, mercenary or a soldier, and clone them repeatedly until you have the numbers that you want. Be careful that you iron out all cloning kinks and that the clones do not become too smart and start to unionize. You do not want all that trouble.

Inheritance. You may be one of the lucky ones in it that you were born into the life of villainy. That means that there is a high chance that when your relative falls to (un)fortunate demise, you will inherit the armies of Evil. That is the path of least resistance into getting your Henchmen, but you have to remember that they are loyal to your deceased relative and not to you. You will have to show that you are worthy of their trust, which might be more difficult than you imagine.

Villain Archetypes Part Three

The HELLION: The abusive autocrat, she or he lies, cheats, and steals their way to the top. Their climb to success has left heavy marks on the backs of others. They do not care about the plebeians around them, only their dreams. Forget a helping hand from them - they do not help anyone but themselves.

The LUNATIC: The unbalanced madperson that draws others into their crazy environment. Their thinking makes no sense, but to them, it is the rest of the world that lacks reason. Do not try to understand their logic as it is unfathomable.

The BLACK WIDOW: The beguiling siren, she lures victims into her web, though despite the name, this archetype can be applied to a man as well. They go after anyone who has something they want, and they want a lot. They do their best to make the victim want to be deceived. An expert at seduction of every variety, they use their charms to get their way. Do not be fooled by many claims of love, it is all a lie.

The BACKSTABBER: The two-faced friend that delights in duping the unsuspecting, especially the hero. Their sympathetic smiles enable them to learn their victims' secrets, which they then use to their advantage. Their seemingly helpful advice is just the thing to hinder. Put no faith in the backstabber, they will betray you every time.